You Matter!

"You Matter!"
by Ken Barton

Working as a Substitute Teacher, one of the things I am quick to point out to children when one child is picking on another is that this behavior is that students way of expressing how much they care about the other.  They are young and do not realize that this is what their own behavior is saying under the surface.  Picking on each other they themselves even think is a way of being mean or annoying the other, but the truth is, you only do this behavior to those you want acknowledgement from.  That person means enough to you that you do everything you can just to get that person to recognize you exist and matter to them.

Growing up I acted this way with many of those I associated with in my Church Youth Group without understanding, myself, that the teasing all meant that I cared about the other person.  In olden days young men would dip the ends of the hair of the girl sitting in front of them in school, in the ink wells built into their desk, as a way of telling the young lady that they liked them.  The girls seldom took it that way, and the guys seldom realized that was what their behavior was expressing; but, the fact of the matter was that they indeed had a crush on the girl they were teasing.

I go on to further explain to the students what is more hurtful and sad to realize is the day no one teases you, when no one picks on you, or goes out of their way to acknowledge you exist.  That day came for me when I realized no one was bothering to tease me anymore or invite me to their get togethers.  They had all formed associations with new friends with more in common with them since many had become married and I was left out in the cold.  All of a sudden the attention that had once been given me seemed to disappear over night.

Then as I reflected, it occurred to me, for the better part of these past years only a few of those in my life had actually been seeking my attention by teasing me.  Not even the young ladies I dated, which told me volumes about how they actually felt about me!  It's a very cold world out there when you discover even those you have dared to love are indifferent to your very existence.

When I headed off for Bible School with the goal of becoming a Christian Counselor I was shocked, and saddened, to discover that those in my home Church did not think enough of me to even write me a letter to say hi.  Not only that, but I did not think enough about them to write them either!  Of course, being young and all rapped up in my own struggles being a long way from home, it never occurred to me to be the first one to make contact with those I left behind.  All I knew was that it felt lonely nights, to feel like no one at home cared about me anymore.  When I returned home most of my friends had moved on with their lives, formed new friendships, and their new groups were for all intense and purposes, closed to new members.

Had I to do things over again I would have written home more and done more to maintain those relationships I once had.  Friendships take work, they take effort from both sides, to maintain the lines of communication.  I do not have a lot of friends today simply because it has taken a lifetime to understand what happened way back then and to begin forming new relationships.  The majority of my associations these days are over the computer through social media, more specifically Facebook, though I do still e-mail certain specific individuals.  Having someone 'Like' a particular Post, gives me the feeling within, that they have acknowledged I exist, that I wrote something that touched them, and that I matter to them.

Why has Social Media become so influential across the world?  It's simple to understand I think, when you realize everyone wants someone else to acknowledge their life means something to them.  That their existence makes a difference to someone else, enough so, that they took the time to read their post and hit 'Like.'

Maybe our relationships outside of Social Media would grow and take on new importance if more of us understood how important it is to let those you associate with know that what they say or do, matters to us.  Relationships cannot be formed and held together without work, without acknowledging we have value to each other.  Life is too scary, too lonely, and too short, to go along without being needed and loved by those around you.  This is why Social Media, I believe has taken off so, it is because people believe those who 'Like' what they write really do care who they are.  We cry out for love, for acknowledgement, and pray to God those who Link up with us really think we are important.  Important enough to them to say I acknowledge you.  You matter to me.  You are loved.  If you ceased to exist, my world would grow smaller and I would hurt without you.

I believe there is nothing more painful in life than 'Indifference', to be ignored and left alone.  So, when someone is teasing you, whether it's to make you laugh, or to make you cry, do not be so quick to get angry.  Consider the fact that you mean enough to that person that they acknowledge you at least and thank the Lord you matter, because you do!  There is no one exactly like you any where in the world.  You are 1 in over 7 billion individuals and you matter!